


i see murder victims

by blenderfullasarcasm



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Case Fic, Gen, Ghosts, How Do I Tag, Jewels, Kaito Can See Dead People, Kaito is a troll, Murder, The Kudous' A+ Parenting, because then things would make sense, conan is a creepy genius child, he kinda wishes he was though, kaito hasn't slept in like a week, kaito is a hot mess, kaito is always about five (5) seconds from a mental breakdown, kaito thinks he's hallucinating but nope!, no beta we die on the hill of poor decisions, oh my!, psychic!kaito, yamamura-keibu is the best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 10:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16116212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blenderfullasarcasm/pseuds/blenderfullasarcasm
Summary: Kaito might or might not be going crazy. It might or might not be a product of sleep deprivation. Until he figured it out for sure, he was just going to ignore the disembodied voice that might or might not be coming from the seat next to him.And then Edogawa Conan showed up and ruined THAT plan.





	1. in which kaito may be going crazy

So.

Ghosts.

They were apparently a thing that existed. And not only in horror movies.

After the whole almost-becoming-a-slave-to-a-witch-who-apparently-communed-with-Satan-oh-and-who-was-also-his-classmate-and-really-wanted-him-to-fall-in-love-with-her-for-some-reason-(not-that-he-wasn’t-devilishly-handsome-of-course)-or-become-her-minion-or-something-(he-wasn’t-too-clear-on-that-part) thing, he really didn't know why he was even surprised.

But yeah.

Kaito could see dead people.

It was a pretty new development.

 

\-----

 

 _I'll just take a trip over to Gunma, I said._ Kaito thought frantically, almost bordering on hysteria. _The murder rates there are pretty low, I said. I probably won't run into a detective, I said. It'll be nice to have a chance to figure out if I'm going crazy without people trying to interrogate me, I said._

And then of course Edogawa Conan had walked in and Kaito’s day had become approximately 1412% worse. Because Conan was, arguably, the absolute _worst_ of the tantei to show up at that moment.

_Okay, okay, be calm. Poker Face. You're just a university student working on a paper due at midnight. Yup, no reason to look over here, Tantei-kun._

His disguise was, in fact, that of a university student...except that he had been a bit lazy and basically the only part that could conceivably be called a disguise was the fact that he wasn't wearing his school uniform but was wearing fake glasses.

...like Edogawa Conan.

Kaito resisted the urge to facepalm.

Was he really so tired that he'd thought that would be a legitimate disguise?

Apparently.

He ended up letting his head sink to the table and groaning loudly.

 _Oh, great going, Kaito. Way NOT to attract attention,_ he thought to himself as hesitant footsteps made their way towards him. He ignored the sound of someone trying to stifle a chuckle to his left, mainly because _that was where the wall was and he was not going crazy, nope, nothing to see here, folks -_

“Are you alright, sir?”

He forced himself to peek out from behind his arm to look at the waitress. He pitched his voice lower before saying, “Yeah, I'm fine. Just functioning on about two hours of sleep with a paper due at midnight. Any chance of some more coffee?”

She made a sympathetic noise, saying “I remember what that's like,” before flipping open the lid of the coffee pot she was holding. She frowned. “I'll just put on a fresh pot for you. This one's nearly gone. I'll be back in ten minutes.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” And with that, she ambled back to the kitchen.

Kaito kept his face buried in his arms because, seriously, _that_ was a better disguise than _a pair of glasses_.

 _“Don't you have your kit with you?”_ someone asked. From his left. Where there couldn't possibly be anyone because _he was alone at his table, damn it!_

Yeah, not looking great for the whole 'not being crazy’ thing.

Kaito shrugged minutely. He _did_ have his disguise kit with him, though at the moment it was only the light version he took to school since he hadn't exactly been expecting to run into any detectives.

May as well take the disembodied voice up on his suggestion.

Oh, wow, he really was going crazy.

Though Hakuba would probably argue that anyone who intentionally poked Aoko into chasing them with a mop wasn't exactly the poster child for sanity.

Actually, so would the rest of his class.

And probably the teacher.

And then there was the whole KID thing.

Huh.

So maybe this weird voice-thing had been coming for a while?

Kaito yawned, stretching his arms above his head and then making his way to the restroom in the back of the café, keeping his shoulders slumped and his head down as if he couldn't be bothered to support them properly. A few people's eyes absently tracked his movement, but no one was all that interested in a procrastinating college student.

Upon entering the bathroom, he locked the door behind him before remodeling his face a little bit. A few shades paler - not enough to be noticeable to the waitress, since she hadn't really seen his face, and he was already paler than normal due to sleep deprivation - and some contouring to make his bone structure look different did the trick, and only took a few minutes. He ran the faucet for a moment and wiped down the counter, checking his clothes and the floor for traces before pretending to rub his eyes as he exited the bathroom.

...and nearly tripped over one Edogawa Conan.

This was his life now, wasn't it. Had Lady Luck deserted him?

No, he hadn't been shot yet. They were still on good terms.

...but maybe he should visit a shrine before he went home tonight.

Just to be safe.

Kaito blinked lethargically, staring at nothing for a moment before focusing on Tantei-kun. “Oh. Hello.”

Conan giggled, which was actually really creepy. “Sorry, Niichan!” he chirped.

Kaito resisted showing the shudder that went down his spine.

“No problem, kid,” he said instead, patting him absently on the head before dragging himself back to the table where his laptop was set up - screen locked, of course, before he went to the restroom. He perked up a bit at the sight of a half-full steaming cup of coffee. Kuroba Kaito wasn't much of a fan, but Asano Keisuke practically lived off the stuff.

...as long as it was doctored with enough milk, cream, and sugar to cause a seven-year-old’s mother to choke at the thought of the impending sugar rush.

Kuroba Kaito could live with _that_ kind of coffee.

Thus, after doctoring it within an inch of its life, he turned his laptop back on.

And quickly exited the solitaire game he'd been playing, because he needed to pretend to work on an essay instead.

He pulled up an old essay and started typing at the end - in code, of course, because one could never be too careful with Edogawa Conan nearby. But not the type of code that was obviously code, with all the mixed up letters that obviously don't make words, no - he used a word substitution code so it would look like an actual paper.

It probably wouldn't stand up to close examination from Tantei-kun, though. Which was why he wasn't going to come anywhere near it.

Well, hopefully.

Who knew what freaky psychic powers Edogawa Conan had, seriously.

Hey, maybe he could help with this predicament Kaito was pretending not to be in.

...He was so sleep-deprived that that was starting to sound like a valid idea.

Kaito snorted to himself and tugged his fingers through his hair before settling into his seat to try and sort some things out.

Like the nonexistent entity that may or may not have been sitting next to him.

And the fact that it sounded suspiciously like his father.

...Honestly, he probably should have just gone home and slept. All this could be explained away by sleep deprivation, and given that he'd only had an hour of sleep since he'd stolen the Spirit's Cry last week it seemed the most likely cause.

Probably.

...He needed to figure out a way to return that soon.

Kaito groaned loudly and let his face fall onto the keyboard.

This wasn't working. He really should have chosen a … library or something if he wanted to have room to think.

...Why had he chosen a cafe, anyway?

Oh, that's right. Chocolate.

Kaito glared at the empty plate by his right elbow, which had once held a chocolate croissant. Everything was all _its_ fault, obviously.

“Did you want another one?”

Kaito blinked, then glanced at the waitress who had just made a reappearance. He took a moment longer than he really should have to process the question. “Oh. Um. Yes, please.”

She grinned. “Chocolate croissant, right? Coming right up.”

Kaito watched her disappear behind a corner before letting his eyes drift close. Maybe he could just take a quick nap… His brain would work better when he woke up…

“Hey, Niichan!”

“Holy - ” Kaito almost jumped out of his seat, eyes snapping open to fall on a very short seven-year-old.

 _Shit._ He'd forgotten about Tantei-kun.

How the hell had he managed that?

Seriously. His dad was probably turning in his grave.

There was a slight snort from over by the window _but that was impossible because there was nobody there unless Kaito was finally going crazy._

Kaito placed a hand on his heart, willing it to calm down, before glaring down at Conan. “What the hell, kid? You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

...It wasn't so much acting as it was reacting, which was a little worrisome.

“Oh, sorry!” Conan didn't even try to look apologetic. “I just wanted to ask you something.”

Kaito sighed. How was this his life, seriously. He ran a hand through his hair, then said, “Sure, go ahead.”

“Can I borrow your phone? Mine broke.”

Kaito’s brain stalled. Was _Edogawa Conan_ seriously _asking to borrow his phone?!_ Seriously. What the hell was his life.

“...What happened to it?” he asked, half afraid to know the answer.

Conan pulled it out of his pocket wordlessly. Or, rather, the pieces of it. The screen was shattered, and the case was held together with hopes and dreams.

Kaito's eyes widened and he let out a low whistle. “You really did a number on it, didn't you?’

Conan grumbled something under his breath - Kaito thought he caught the phrase 'stupid criminals,’ so he made the executive decision that he was better off not knowing.

“Sure,” he finally replied, almost positive that this was a bad idea. He rummaged around in his jacket pockets, trying to find Asano Keisuke’s phone. He really hoped it wasn't in one of the hidden pockets, because that might be awkward to explain. Oh, hey, first try. Maybe Lady Luck hadn't deserted him entirely.

Still, this was edging a bit close for comfort. He definitely needed to visit a shrine on the way home.

Kaito unlocked the phone and pulled up the app for actually calling people before he handed Conan the cell phone, berating himself the entire time. Because, seriously, what had knocked his brain out of his head?

He was not normally this stupid. What the hell?

It had to be the eyes, he decided a moment later as he watched Conan dial a number from memory. The stupid, big, blue, childish puppy-dog eyes.

That's what was causing this weird behavior. Definitely not sleep deprivation. Or a strange sense of kinship. Nope. Not at all.

...It was probably mostly sleep deprivation.

He really needed a nap.

Kaito was snapped back to the present by a hard poke to his shoulder, which he mostly carefully ignored because _there was nobody there, okay._ Thus, he turned his attention to the person who was actually there and was holding his phone to his ear.

“Hakase?”

Kaito stifled a shiver. Seriously, that voice was so creepy.

“Yeah, sorry, my phone broke. I'm at the café across town, the one where Genta - yes, that one.”

So. Creepy. Did he even realize that his voice had gradually dropped an octave and a half?

“My skateboard is a bit - yeah, that. The guy - yes, Haibara, I'm fine. Not even a skinned knee. I jumped off before the blast. I told you, I'm _fine_.” Conan rolled his eyes. “Yes, I realize I said that right after I was shot, but - ”

Kaito’s eyes widened. What? When had Tantei-kun been shot?!

“No, it's actually true this time. Yes, really. I'm not even out of breath.”

And then came the terrified scream from the back of the shop. Conan’s head turned toward the noise like a bloodhound. “Sorry, Haibara, duty calls,” he muttered into the phone before ending the call and sprinting toward the kitchen.

Still holding Asano Keisuke’s phone.

Seriously. Kaito's _life._

“Hey, kid!” he called as he jogged half-heartedly after Conan. He was really not looking forward to this. “You still have my phone!”

At least he was somewhat more prepared than the average person in that café for the murders that seemed to follow Edogawa Conan around like a curse.

... Actually, that might not be completely inaccurate. He might need to subtly inquire of Akako if that was a thing.

And if so, how the hell had Conan pissed off a witch? He was, like, seven, what the hell.

He followed Conan to the back and opened the door, mentally preparing himself for the obligatory murder scene.

And - yeah, no, there was no way to steel himself for all the blood and gore and _pieces_ everywhere.

Someone must have held a grudge.

Okay, Kaito, deep breaths.

He closed his eyes briefly to center himself, then opened them again to better take in the scene.

( _Poker face, poker face - )_

And then he saw the faded outline of the person on the floor _who was quite clearly dead_ floating above her body, looking around bewilderedly.

_“What the hell.”_

Nope. Not happening.

He saw Conan turn to him in concern before his knees crumbled like cheap crayons and he blacked out.


	2. in which kaito has many regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toichi is a giant troll and that's all you need to know.  
> Also Conan is oblivious when there's a murder to solve.  
> (And Kaito is a hot mess but that's nothing new.)

“Hey.  _ Hey.  _ Niichan. Wake up.” The incredibly shrill, annoying voice was accompanied by a light slapping sound and a spark of pain. It took Kaito longer than it should have to connect those two sensations and even longer to realize that the owner of the voice was one Edogawa Conan.

...Who was currently slapping him lightly, apparently trying to wake him up from his impromptu nap on the floor. Because he had fainted. Because there was a dead body on the floor over there. Right. Okay. And there was also a semi-translucent copy of the body floating above it, looking around curiously.

Which.

Okay.

No.

Nope.

Very much nope.

The translucent figure opened her mouth, probably to start speaking, but Kaito's ears were ringing too loud to actually hear anything because  _ that girl could not possibly be there  _ due to the fact that, you know,  _ she was dead and covered in blood on the floor _ .

“ _...What the hell.” _

Kaito saw Conan try to refrain from rolling his eyes, but ultimately failing utterly. He'd probably strained something.

But hey. That was a perfectly valid reaction to what he was -  _ definitely not _ seeing.

The voice he was trying to pretend didn't exist laughed softly next to him. Kaito glanced over in its direction to see if he'd finally gone completely bonkers - and, yup, there was his father dressed in full KID regalia for some reason, looking not at all like he'd been exploded ten years ago. Cool.

“I've officially lost it,” he muttered numbly, just barely remembering to alter his voice. He refrained from throwing his hands weakly in the air and saying 'hooray.’

The voice, who he was apparently acknowledging was his father, said,  _ “That's if you ever had it in the first place. I think it might be genetic.” _

Which. Fair.

Conan drew his attention by patting his knee awkwardly and saying, “It's going to be fine. Could you please call the police?” while simultaneously checking his pupils for signs of a concussion. He frowned slightly at the colored contact lenses that were preventing him from getting an accurate reading (ha, Kaito  _ had  _ remembered to do something more than put on a pair of glasses and call it a disguise).

Kaito nodded, resolutely ignoring the snickers coming from his father, who was apparently just going to float next to him and make wisecracks about his life choices. 

To be honest, Kaito probably would have done the same in this situation.

He pulled out his phone under Conan's watchful eye, hands shaking slightly, and dialled 119. Satisfied, Conan turned and went to examine the body. Did he not realize how strange that was?

The call connected.

Kaito abruptly realized that he had no idea what to say. “Um, hi. There's a dead body here. I'm pretty sure it was murder.”

Nailed it.

_ “Okay, sir, I'm going to need your location, please.” _

“The - um.” He looked at Conan, who had a handkerchief out and had picked up the victim's wrist to get a closer look. “Do you remember the name of this café?”

“Christie’s café,” Conan answered absently, moving on to her - nails, possibly?

“Kurisuchizu café,” Kaito relayed to the operator. There was a brief pause while she typed something into her computer, probably working on getting a police car to them. He was proved right a moment later when she said,  _ “All right. I have Yamamura-keibu en route to your location. Please refrain from touching the body and surrounding area. Do your best to keep others from doing the same.” _

Kaito bit back a hysterical laugh. That wasn't going to be a problem. “I should probably tell that to the kid, then, shouldn't I.”

The operator sighed.  _ “Kid?” _

Kaito absolutely  _ did not  _ flinch. “Yeah.”

_ “Dark hair, oversized glasses, dressed like a miniature college professor?” _

“Yup.”

She sighed again.  _ “Don't worry about it. We have a code for him.”  _ She paused to type something again.  _ “It's practically a right of passage here to call a 4869.” _

“Run into a lot of murders, does he?” Kaito watched as Conan examined the victim's shoes.

_ “You have no idea. This is literally the third this week.” _

“But it's only Thursday?”

_ “I know.” _

“Wow, okay. Well, I guess I'm in good hands, then. Spicy.” Oh god, why was he like this.

Luckily, the operator ignored him.  _ “Yes - it'll be about two minutes until Yamamura-keibu arrives, so if you could try and keep everyone else away from the crime scene, that would be fantastic.” _

“Okay, got it. Thanks.”

Kaito hung up the phone and watched in bemusement as Conan casually sniffed the victim's mouth.

He knew tangentially that Conan solved murders, but to actually see it…

Honestly, it was kind of disturbing. Six-year-olds should  _ not  _ have that much experience in...whatever he was doing with the dead woman’s hair (because she  _ was  _ dead, and yet there she was floating above her body like she wasn’t quietly breaking his reality).

_ “You know, it’s been a while since I’ve seen him at a crime scene,” _ his father commented absently. Kaito flicked his eyes in his direction, because apparently he was acknowledging that he had lost the last vestiges of his sanity. 

Kaito assumed that Conan was too absorbed in looking for clues to pay too much attention to the one guy with an alibi, so he kissed the last dregs of his denial goodbye and muttered a response. “You’ve seen him before? I’m pretty sure that’s impossible. He’s, like, six. And you died ten years ago. So.”

His father smirked secretively.  _ “Yes. He hasn’t aged a day.” _

Kaito blinked. “In ten years.”

His dad spread his arms wordlessly, looking endlessly smug. Kaito accepted that he probably wasn’t going to be getting any answers out of him any time soon, since that was the same face he’d had when Kaito had been trying to figure out how to do a magic trick. His father had enjoyed dangling hints in front of him but never actually telling him how they worked. It was incredibly annoying, but it had been better for him in the long run, he supposed.

“You’re saying that he hasn’t aged a day in ten years.”

His father shrugged languidly.  _ “That  _ is  _ what I said. He’s the son of one of my former students - you remember, the one that yelled at you because you called her ‘oba-san.’” _

Kaito blinked again. “Dad, Yukiko-neechan only had one kid before we lost contact with them. And, you know, you  _ died _ .”

His father snickered.  _ “Are you still that scared of her?” _

“Well, duh.” Kaito rolled his eyes. “She was legitimately crazier than both of us. That’s pretty damn insane. She was almost on the same level as  _ Mom. _ ” Wait, shit, the kid was still in the room. He probably shouldn't be cursing. Kaito’s eyes darted towards him, and - yep, still focused on the body. So. Creepy. But, like, at least he didn't have to worry about Mouri-chan kicking his head in for colouring the kid's vocabulary. “Wait, don’t try to distract me!”

_ “By the way, I’d thought you had figured this out already - we didn’t ‘lose contact’ with them, you know.” _

“Really? Because I could’ve sworn that that was exactly what happened, seeing as we didn’t ever talk to Yukiko-neechan after the funeral -  _ your  _ funeral.”

_ “And it never occurred to you that that was by design?” _

“No, why would - huh.” That actually made a lot of sense. Only Yukiko-neechan had made an appearance at the funeral, and she had been wearing a large hat and sunglasses - which had basically functioned the same way his top hat and monocle did.  _ He’d  _ hardly recognized her, and she’d been his father’s apprentice for nearly a year. Also, her face had been seared into his memory after that one  _ terrifying  _ incident. 

Since that traumatic day, he had never  _ once  _ called anyone oba-san or any derivative thereof unless they were quite clearly over the age of sixty.

...She had been really scary to a six-year-old, okay.

So she’d come to the funeral in disguise, and the rest of her family (who were either pretty terrible at disguises or just not interested in learning, if he remembered correctly) hadn’t shown up at all. There wouldn’t have been any particular reason to do that - well, other than as an homage to her teacher, which she probably could have gotten away with if anyone had realized - except for the fact that he was mostly certain that her husband wrote mystery novels for a living and helped the police out every so often.

They were probably familiar enough with the mechanics behind covered-up murders that they could recognize one on sight.

“Huh,” he repeated. “So that means Mom must have - huh.”

His father smirked, expression making it clear that he was laughing at Kaito for not figuring it out before.

“But there’s still no way that  _ that  _ kid could possibly be  _ this _ kid! That’s not how time  _ works _ !”

His dad was full on laughing now, bent over double and clutching his ribs and everything. If he weren't already, you know,  _ dead  _ (which Kaito was still low-key freaking out about, by the way) and therefore didn't need to breathe, Kaito would've been worried he might laugh himself to death.

His dad managed to pull himself together eventually, though he had to resort to slipping on his Poker Face to actually stop snickering for any period of time.

Kaito rolled his eyes, feeling very much like a teenager in that moment.

_ “Kaito,” _ his father began.  _ “Who is the one person you can disguise yourself as in two seconds? A disguise that doesn't look like it took two seconds, by the way, unlike the one you're wearing now.” _

Kaito blinked, blatantly ignoring the dig. He...had not been expecting that abrupt change of topic - oh, wait. “Um. Yukiko-neechan's kid.”

_ “Bingo.”  _ A few fireworks erupted around his dad and Kaito got sidetracked for a moment wondering if they, like, respawned or something every time he used them or if he only had as many as he'd had on him the night he'd died.  _ “Now. I believe - ah, yes, here we go.” _

An old, faded, mostly translucent photograph poofed into existence in a small puff of smoke and Kaito's father positioned it in the air so that it and Conan were about the same height, floating side-by-side.

The picture was of Kaito and his father at his last magic show, taken just before it started. Kaito had wondered what had happened to it, but then he realized that it must have gone up in smoke with his father.

Kaito looked at the picture. Then at Conan. Then back. “Okay, so he looks like a straight-laced mini-me. A mini-me with control issues. That doesn't mean that Yukiko-neechan didn't just have another kid or something. Or, like, one of their close relatives just happened to get the right combination of genes.”

_ “Neither Yukiko nor Yuusaku have any siblings. And, to be perfectly honest, they could hardly handle one kid, let alone more. They were so restless while Shinichi-kun was in school… I do believe that they took off flying around the world again just as soon as he could legally be left alone for long periods of time.”  _ His dad frowned slightly, brow creasing, before muttering to himself.  _ “I would have asked Chikage if we could have taken him in if I'd still been alive, but we did have to cut contact with them for a reason.” _

“But that doesn't mean - “

_ “Kaito, think.” _

So he thought.

And he came to the same conclusion. “But that's impossible! People don't just - ”

Kaito's dad smirked.  _ “And yet here you are, talking to your dead father's ghost.” _

Kaito's mouth clicked closed. Well. He had him there. 

He took a careful breath. “Okay, I'm still half convinced that I'm hallucinating all this, but okay. So you're saying, what, that he's stayed six this entire time? Because that's a little far-fetched, and I don't mean the Pokemon.”

Kaito's dad shook his head, smirk back in place.  _ “No, I'm saying that he got himself shrunk. Or de-aged, I suppose.” _

Kaito took a moment to process that. “That...actually sounds plausible.”

His father's face fell, oddly enough.  _ “I wasn't expecting you to come around that quickly. I had a whole finale planned.” _

Kaito shrugged. “Dad, I have a witch in my class. Shrinking seems more likely than him just staying that age this whole time, especially since I've disguised as the teenage him and no one seemed to bat an eye… Except for him, of course - he always knows exactly when it's me in disguise - oh. Suddenly a lot of things make a lot more sense. Actually, the most confusing part of this is why  _ you _ know about it.”

His dad shrugged.  _ “It gets boring when you sleep, and I felt that I should probably check in on my godson from time to time.” _

“...What.” Kaito blinked, unsure how to respond because  _ what even. _

_ “Yes, I just happened to be there when he was shrunk, so I actually know the whole story. The next chance you get, you should ask him how he chose his new alias because that story is hilarious.” _

“You know, that’s  _ awfully  _ convenient of you to know…”

His dad shrugged.  _ “I was under the impression that you thought I was a hallucination.” _

Kaito wanted to rip his hair out. And, since his impulse control had never been great, he was tugging on his hair as if he were preparing to tear it out when Yamamura-keibu appeared rather dramatically in the doorway. Kaito, unfortunately, did not notice this until Yamamura-keibu cleared his throat, which was  _ after  _ he started talking to his father again - “What the  _ hell _ , dad - !”

“Ahem.”

Both the inspector and Conan were staring at him, eyes wide.

Kaito grinned sheepishly. “Um. Hi. Sorry, don’t mind me. I’m just...yelling at a ghost.” 

Why,  _ why _ , did he say these things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to be writing tmq but this happened instead so...whoops, my finger slipped?

**Author's Note:**

> this is the other story i was talking about in tmqimh. so if you're here because of that,,,,,hello again. 
> 
> if this is the first time you're reading one of my fics, you should also check out my other stuff (shameless self-promotion).
> 
> let me know what you think!


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